For anyone who knows me I recently split up with the love of my life and went through the equivalent of a divorce, dividing assets, splitting up a family unit (thankfully no children were involved), have lost the majority of my hair due to stress... which is making me freak out even more, and trying to start over again. So a large part of my time lately has been involved in sourcing all the things he took when he left (pretty much everything... c'est la vie), not important things in the grand scheme of things but the empty house echoed the empty hole in my heart and made me want to crawl into a corner curl up and cry myself to sleep hopefully for eternity.
It just seems easier not to have to face it all, doesn't it? Why face the pain everyday if you can hide from it? But you can't hide from it, not for ever. The little things creep up on you, when you roll over in the morning and he's not there. When some one else hugs you and it just doesn't quite feel the way it should. When you see a couple kiss and you just ache, knowing that there is no one waiting for you at home, no one to hold you when you're sad and what makes it worse is your sad all the time...
Any way that's enough woe is me. I'm throwing myself into reading and writing. Films, music, art, my pets. Anything that makes me smile. I'm thankful for the gloomy weather outside, which may sound surprising but it means I don't have to make excuses for wanting to remain rugged up on the couch, or curled up in bed, reading mags, books and blogs and watching girly films all day and sleeping in. Thank god for sleep ins. Who ever wakes up early on a day off, I take my hat off to you, but I doubt I'll ever see that day, a long relaxing lie in, stretching out in bed like a cat... Is sheer heaven.
Speaking of which brings me to a new joy flat mates, or rather I should say house mates seeing as we live in a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom home rather than a flat. Two of my house mates have been with me for a little over a year now. Both girls from New Zealand. Since the ex has moved out a new man from work has moved in. A fellow Aussie. So I now have three people living in the house with me, plus my dog and my crazy nut job of a bird. The joy of house mates is they fill the space and I don't just mean literally with their bodies and the stuff they inevitably bring with them but the house just feels less empty knowing that others call it home, even if we are all periodically in and out, this house feels like a revolving door lately, but it's good, it keeps me on my toes.
The new roomie made me clear out the spare room, the junk room and guess what it was AMAZING. It felt like such a good thing to do. Decluttering, throwing out all the stuff I'd held onto for what ever reason. Yes I was ruthless, not needed out it went. I wish I'd taken before and after pictures. Because it truly is incredible. I think my mother will have a fit when she see's how good it looks.
There isn't much left to do that really needs doing. But typically I'm throwing myself into it, painting walls, scrubbing floors, doing the odd jobs that have been on a long to do list since we first moved in 1 year and 3 months ago. I even alphabetized the remaining dvds. (So maybe it's a good thing there are endless blogs on the net to occupy my time!).
Well I'm off to go scour for inspiration and my next purchases... Did I mention the endless window shopping, on line and from the pages of the magazines I love oh so much.
And I broke my shopping fast... On shoes. On a pair of Balenciaga sandals from a few seasons ago that I've loved since the first moment I saw them.
So now I patiently await their arrival in the post. Oh and I was naughty last night, I totally impulse bought an amazing red dress from the seventies from one of my favourite online vintage stores in Oz.
I'll make sure I post pics when they arrive! I'm celebrating and they haven't even got here yet .. Oh well.
Love
Little Miss CZ
